Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(423): View more from Tennessee

he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses

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(317): View more from Indiana

He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.

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(520): View more from Arizona

She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.

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(607): View more from New York

I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.

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(319): View more from Iowa

WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER

(1-319): View more from Iowa

THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL

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(551): View more from New Jersey

my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house

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(434): View more from Virginia

Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda

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