New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
