So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
