I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm passing your future prison.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
