I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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