I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
