the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
