Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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