This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
