Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
