just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
