i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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