I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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