8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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