I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He passed out mid-signature
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
