I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
