I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
