You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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