Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
