and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
