Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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