do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
