Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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