I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
