Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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