And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
