She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
