i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
