apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the condom got lost in my hair
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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