holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
