I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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