I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
