I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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