Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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