I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
