CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
