He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
