She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
