sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
