I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
