Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
