Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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