He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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