I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize