They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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