If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
