I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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