does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
