i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
