This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
