paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
