I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
