3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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