No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
