before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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