I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
True but thats because hes a fetus.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
