He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
