can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Buhtt sex?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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