HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ttyl tear gas
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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