11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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