Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
