either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize