well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
