Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
