Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
