I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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