It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
