She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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