my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
