R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
