It's Friday. Sex?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
